Journey

I am saved. What about Dad?

2006-10-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

Dad walked down the stairs, in his usual nonchalant composure. No tears, no tremble. He walked. We reached the front, and joined the crowd in front of the screen.

Prayer was led. No muttering. But the fact remains, he answered the call to step down to the front. Children's Day of 2006 would be a landmark to the Lokes.

The heart of a man is hard. The heart of a male is harder. With joy, you see tears welling up in a woman's eye; with fear, you see the power of embrace between women. With a man, tears are rare and precious.

If prayers were intiated, it'd be that Dad's heart will increasingly melt into softness for the seed to grow and blossom.

- R

Touching Triathlon - Seeing Jesus in it

2006-07-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

This is a clip of a father-son team doing the Kona Ironman (every triathlete's dream) - 4 k swim, 180 k ride, 42 k run!
Took them 17 hrs but they completed it. The man explained that he did it becos the son wanted to participate.

Demonstration of a father's love for his son. v touching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiXV9x8ZQ7U

Questions You'd Asked at any Age

2006-04-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Henri proposed the game of asking questions, any sort. Morphed as it progressed, the outcome was a beautiful insight into the little spectrum we know, not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What if the sky is always red in colour?

A1 Then the sea will look red too.

A2 Then we won't be able to see the sun.

A3 I would feel really really hot.

A4 Red = Autumn = I like

A5 I will hide in my room everyday.

What if you are the richest person on earth?

A1 Hooray! I stop using my brains now. Can adopt children too, so there'll be no orphans.

A2 Nothing would really be different for me.

A3 Open up a big bum-bum car studio.

A4 I would travel all around the world and help with little kids.

A5 Then I'll stop work tomorrow and enjoy life.

How would your life be different if you did not know God?

A1 I'll be joining my friends partying @MOS.

A2 I will be happily partying around.

A3 Thinking about the scene.

A4 Will try to involve myself in all sorts of hobbies/interests.

A5 Of course will always think that I AM the One.

What if there's no time?

A1 I would take the time to see the beauty around.

A2 Then find time lor.

A3 The Tag Heuer / Swatch / Rolex will stop business!!

A4 We will be in groundhog day.

A5 I will never know when I'm born.

What if girls don't have to grow up?

A1 If girls don't have to grow up, then the barbie doll factory will be everywhere in the world.

A2 There will be a lot of irritated husbands.

A3 Then I'll rather not be born.

A4 Yeaaah... I can still keep all my teddy bears n soft toy n everything cute.

A5 Then boys don't need to grow up too.

###

The Pharisee and the Child

2006-03-26T15:41:00.001+08:00

"How many lives have been ruined in the name of narrow-minded, intolerant religiosity!

The pharisee's forte in any age is blaming, accusing, and guilt-tripping others. His gift is noticing the speck in another's eye and failing to see the beam in his own. Blinded by his own ambition, the pharisee cannot see his shadow and thus projects it on others. This is his gift, his signature, his most predictable and reliable response.

Whenever we place blame, we are looking for a scapegoat for a real dislocation in which we ourselves are implicated. Blame is a defensive substitute for an honest examination of life that seeks personal growth in failure and self-knowledge in mistakes. Thomas Moore stated, "Fundamentally, it is a way of averting consciousness of error."

Unless we reclaim our child we will have no inner sense of self and gradually the imposter becomes who we really think we are. Both psychologists and spiritual writers emphasize the importance of getting to know the inner child as best we can and embracing him or her as a lovable and precious part of ourselves. The positive qualities of the child - openness, trusting dependence, playfulness, simplicity, sensitivity to feelings, - restrain us from closing ourselves off to new ideas, unprofitable commitments, the surprises of the Spirit, and risky opportunities for growth. The unself-consciousness of the child keeps us from morbid introspection, endless self-analysis, and the fatal narcissism of spiritual perfectionism."

Excerpts from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning

Present Risenness

2006-03-26T15:26:00.000+08:00

"Living in the awareness of the risen Jesus is not a trivial pursuit for the bored and lonely or a defense mechanism enabling us to cope with the stress and sorrow of life. It is the key that unlocks the door to grasping the meaning of existence...

The apparent frustrations of circumstances, seen or unforeseen, of illness, of misunderstandings, even of our own sins, do not thwart the final fulfillment of our lives hidden with Christ in God.

The awareness of present risenness (of Christ) effects the integration of intuition and will, emotion and reason. Less preoccupied with appearances, we are less inclined to change costumes to win approval with each shift of company and circumstance.

We are not one person at home, another in the office; one person at church, another in traffic. We do not pass rudderless from one episode to another, idly seeking some distraction to pass the time, remaining stoic to each new emotion, enduring with a shrug of our shoulders when something irks or irritates. Now circumstances feed us, not we them; we use them, not they us. Gradually we become whole and mature persons whose faculties and energies are harmonised and integrated...

With the passing of the years I am growing more convinced that the discipline of awareness of the present risenness of Jesus is intimately linked to the recovery of passion."

Excerpts from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning

The Yellow Shirt

2006-03-10T13:21:00.000+08:00

The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when
I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away.

"You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!"

"It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!" I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt be came a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned. The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier.

That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.

The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! And so the pattern was set.

On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.

In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, "So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up."

I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.

Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.

Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words "I BELONG TO PAT."

Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed,"I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER." But I didn't stop there. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA. We enclosed an official Looking letter from "The Institute for the Destitute," announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it.

Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: "Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother."

That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses: "I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I
am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me."

The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.

I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.

God Answers Prayers

2005-12-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

I know not by what methods rare,
But this I know God answers prayer.
I know that He has given His word,
Which tells me prayer is always heard,
and will be answered, soon or late;
And so I pray, and calmly wait.

I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought,
But leave my prayers with Him alone,
Whose will is wiser than my own,
Assured that He will grant my quest,
Or send some answer far more blest.

Gift of Grace

2005-12-15T10:25:00.000+08:00

One man gave his wife a new watch with a note, "It's 'time' that I tell you how sorry I am."

A mother gave her prodigal child a broom with the verse, "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. . . " (Isaiah 44:22). I forgive you, I love you, I am so glad God gave you to be my child."

Now it's your turn. What gift of grace can you bestow?

-------------------------------------------------------
by Pam and Bill Farrel who are international speakers and the authors of over 20 books including best-selling Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti and their newest, Every Marriage is a Fixer Upper.

Hard-Earned Dollars won't Buy Back Time

2005-12-14T14:10:00.000+08:00

~~~ Sydney Morning Herald ~~~

We're trading more of our hours for money - but at what personal cost writes Ross Gittins.

WHEN you remember how important it is to our lives, it's surprising how little attention we devote to the question of time. We obsess about money, but time is just as important.

I've been encouraged to think about time by the observations of Dr Michael Schluter, president of Britain's Relationships Foundation. He's coined the term "chronomics" for study of the laws governing the use of time.

At its most fundamental, time is the great leveller. Whether we're rich or poor we each get the same allocation - 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week. But it doesn't stay that simple. If you're rich enough, you can buy the time of other people.

Although we focus so much on money, time and money are closely related. Schluter says the language of money is readily applied to time: it is spent, saved, allocated, invested and wasted.

Both time and money have the same limitation: opportunity cost. Just as money that's spent on A can't be spent on B, so it is with the spending of time. An important difference, however, is that time can't be stored.

Most of us sell our time for money - though some of us get paid a lot more an hour than others do.

Why do we feel so rushed these days? Well, one answer is that we want a lot of money, so we sell off a lot of our time. Then we use a fair bit of that money paying other people to do for us the things we no longer have time to do for ourselves.

Whether we're better off on the deal financially turns mainly on whether our after-tax earnings per hour are higher than the cost per hour of the people we pay to do our cleaning, washing, child minding, food preparation, etc.

This is a consideration many working mothers have pondered. Many of them are not at all sure they're in front. But wives who don't work often don't do the opposite calculation: they're more conscious of their lack of a second income than they are of all the time they have to do things for themselves.

They're aware of the tax breaks they don't get because they don't do paid work - a second tax-free threshold, for instance - but forget that all the extra unpaid work they're able to do for themselves has the great advantage of being untaxed.

Much technological advancement, including the growing number of "mod cons" in the home, is intended to save time. But while it raises our productivity - the amount we're able to produce or get done in an hour - it rarely leaves us with time on our hands.

As much more can be produced within a unit of time, the value of time has increased. As a result, according to Schluter, an hour's work is reckoned to be worth 25 times more than in 1830.

It's our higher productivity - arising from our better educations and the better machines we work with - that causes time (an hour of labour) to be worth a lot more in developed economies than in developing economies. (Compare the cost of a haircut in America and China and you'll see my point.)

You'd think that as our time has become more valuable over the years - as hourly wage rates have risen so much in real terms - we'd be using the extra money to allow us to work fewer hours.

But it hasn't worked out that way. Indeed, for many of us the number of hours we work has increased even as hourly wage rates have risen.

That's partly because you and I have given higher priority to increasing our incomes than to increasing our leisure. We've been happy to trade more of our time for money.

But it's also because we measure and account for money more carefully than we do time. To some extent, Australia's greatly increased wealth over the past decade has arisen from us working longer and harder.

We've seen an intensification of work - we get less time to achieve a given amount of work. In other words, because everyone focuses on money - on cutting costs or increasing profits - it's time that gets squeezed to fit. We work at a faster pace or stay late to catch up.

When businesses "downsize" their staff, they don't cut the amount of work to be done commensurately. When governments use the assumption of annual "efficiency dividends" to cut their budgets, their unacknowledged assumption is that everyone will work a bit harder to make up.

When bosses introduce new forms of accountability - performance reviews or key performance indicators - they rarely hire extra workers to help with the extra paperwork. Where workers don't or can't make up the slack, the quality of the product or service suffers and the burden spills over to customers.

When I flew to New Zealand last week, I had to queue at the check-in for a full hour (I timed it). Qantas was saving the staff time it had to pay for by wasting the time of its customers - which it didn't have to pay for.

You can see a lot of that about if you're conscious of it. Doctors' waiting rooms, for instance, are about saving the doctors' time by wasting the patients' time.

But a more serious issue is the way the squeeze on our time - whether self-imposed or otherwise - damages the thing that ultimately matters most to us: our relationships with family and friends.

The maintenance of relationships - and the mutual enjoyment of relationships - requires time. Lots of it. New technology, such as mobile phones and email, allows us to keep up relations with many more people and with less expenditure of time.

But there's often a loss of quality. Modern communication methods are a poor substitute for face-to-face contact.

If we continue our heightened pursuit of money while ignoring the effects on our time, we'll continue feeling "income rich and time poor". But the highest price we pay won't be the feeling of being endlessly rushed, it will be the damage to our neglected relationships.

What Is the Measure of A Man? by Carolyn McCulley, Author & Contributing Writer

2005-11-04T12:09:00.000+08:00

I'm Safety Sister - the woman every single guy feels safe to talk to. It's a development I didn't expect as a result of a book I wrote for single women. Now I'm a repository of advice for single men everywhere who want to figure out what to do with a woman they are interested in.

My counsel always boils down to the same three words: Talk. To. Her. Yes, it's a risk to communicate whatever level of interest you have and ask her if she's interested in exploring anything further. Yes, you might get rejected. Yes, you should have to answer for your behavior toward her to her pastor, father, or friends. But that's what masculinity is all about: risk and reward. And we ladies want to encourage the men around us to be men and take risks. That's how you express trust in God. We express trust in God by waiting on you.

So, gentlemen, that's the extent of my counsel to you. Now I turn my attention to the ladies ... so that we can talk about you. Here's a question I recently received from a young woman in her early 20s:

Last night my sister and I were jokingly talking about things guys do that are so cute. And they were little things, like when their hair is messed up, etc. But then we started talking about how attractive it is when a guy actually pays attention to you when you're talking, when he asks you questions, or actually works hard to get to know you. I had to stop at that point because I was wondering if our expectations of men are too low. Maybe it's because my sisters and I have been watching "Pride & Prejudice" that I have started thinking that these "amazing" guys who actually listen to a woman, open a door for her, or treat her with chivalry shouldn't be considered the cream of the crop - but merely normal gentlemen. Do you think I'm being idealistic?

(One more aside to the guys: Note the "Pride & Prejudice" reference. This is important. Seriously. If you want to understand most women, connect with Jane Austen.)

The Man at the Gates

Where should our expectations be? Last month's column addressed a particular challenge to women when it comes to guarding our hearts as we hope for certain relationships. I called it "dating in your mind." And I promised that this month we'd explore how to wisely evaluate any man we're interested in. So let's look at what the Bible says about the husband of a woman of noble character, the Proverbs 31 woman.

Proverbs 31:23 (ESV) says, "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land." To say someone "sits at the gates" was shorthand for saying he was a man of influence, a community leader who was worthy of respect. This phrase was derived from the architecture of Israelite cities because city gates were the focal point for social and commercial activity, including legal and business matters. For Christians today, the men at the gates are those whom God has given to lead the church -- pastors and elders. Because Scripture lists character requirements for those leaders, which are required of all believers, those requirements can be trustworthy standards by which we can evaluate the men in our lives today. 1 Timothy 3:1-10 (ESV, emphasis added) says:

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain. They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless.

Are the men you are interested in seeking to pursue and grow in these character traits? We shouldn't expect perfection, but we should look at the trajectory of their lives. Where are they directing their time and efforts? Are they seeking to grow? Are they cultivating self-control? Are they aiming to be respectable? Are they trying to be hospitable? (I don't mean that they throw ten-course dinner parties. I mean, do they make people feel welcome - are they observant of the needs of those around them?) And so on, right until the last point: Have they been tested? Testing doesn't mean that these men have performed flawlessly on each and every character trait listed above, but that they have allowed examination and have gained the approval of others around them for their commitment to spiritual growth.

Ladies, this is where we can find protection in our local churches. Watching a man's commitment to the Bride of Christ is going to help us discern how he will interact with an earthly bride. We can evaluate many things about a man's character through serving together in church before we invest any of our emotions into a relationship with him. We really want to marry men who love one person more than they love us - Jesus. And if they love Jesus, they are going to love His bride. Does the Bride of Christ get consistent attention and time from this man? Does the Bride of Christ receive his financial support? Does the Bride of Christ benefit from a consistent relationship, or does this man only show up in church sporadically? Does he want to sacrifice his leisure time to serve the Bride of Christ through participating in her ministries? Does he love the Body of Christ by caring for a wide variety of her members - or is he only interested in meeting the more attractive, eligible members? Is he faithful to the Bride of Christ or does he hop from church to church and meeting to meeting? (And can the same be said of us?)

We should also note how a man treats his family, even when he is no longer living at home. Does he honor his parents in the way he speaks about them? Does he make an effort to serve them or visit them?

The Noble Man

Once when I was praying about a man I liked, the Lord brought to mind the Scripture address of Isaiah 32:8. I looked it up eagerly, and read: "But the noble man makes noble plans, and by noble deeds he stands" (NIV). I had no idea how to apply this Scripture to my prayers, so I waited and watched. Over the course of time, I came to see that this man was not being purposeful in our friendship, that noble plans were not being made and the deeds I observed were careless, not intentional. However, as I later studied this passage, I saw several ways to evaluate whether a man would be commended by the Lord as a noble man. This verse concludes a passage about the kingdom of righteousness that reads:

"See, a king will reign in righteousness and rulers will rule with justice. Each man will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land. Then the eyes of those who see will no longer be closed, and the ears of those who hear will listen. The mind of the rash will know and understand, and the stammering tongue will be fluent and clear. No longer will the fool be called noble nor the scoundrel be highly respected. For the fool speaks folly, his mind is busy with evil: He practices ungodliness and spreads error concerning the LORD; the hungry he leaves empty and from the thirsty he withholds water. The scoundrel's methods are wicked, he makes up evil schemes to destroy the poor with lies, even when the plea of the needy is just. But the noble man makes noble plans, and by noble deeds he stands." (Isaiah 32:1-8 NIV)

I realize this is a prophetic passage about the Messiah, and not anyone's husband. But because here in Scripture we find the characteristics of a noble, godly man contrasted with those of a scoundrel, this is a useful passage for women to study to understand what God calls godly.

A noble man
Is a shelter from the wind
Is a refuge from the storm
Is streams of water in the desert
The shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land
Makes noble plans
Does noble deeds

The scoundrel
Speaks folly
Mind is busy with evil
Practices ungodliness
Spreads error concerning the Lord
Makes up evil schemes
Does nothing for the hungry, thirsty

A noble man is a hiding place from the rough elements of life, a man who offers protection and shelter. He does not leave you exposed - either to ridicule or to harm. He is refreshment in a dry place, bringing much encouragement. He flows with streams of living water because he is a man of the Word. He is shade in weariness - reflecting the strength of the Rock, Christ. When a man is making noble plans toward you, he wants to offer you covering. He will offer to serve you, help carry your burdens, and pour the Word into your dry soul. His deeds will be noble, not common. He will show evidences of cherishing you, protecting your boundaries and standards. He won't touch you like a common object, and he will exert himself to care for you and to notice your needs.

Most importantly, a noble man is a submitted man himself. He serves his King wholeheartedly and makes himself accountable to other men. In my opinion, this should be one of the first characteristics we look for in any man who pursues us. In the happiest marriages I've seen, the husbands have other men in their lives who observe them, offer correction, and ask them how they are doing serving their wives and children. Without that community of accountability and authority, a couple has no one outside themselves to appeal to for help in unresolved conflict. Author and pastor Andrew Farmer writes:

"A woman should evaluate a man's respect for authority. In our society, the godly man is most distinct from the worldly man in the way he has put away prideful independence and pursued humble submissiveness. A man who is independent in his faith and does not seek the counsel and oversight of pastors and other mature men, will be a failure as a leader (and therefore as a husband) as defined by Scripture. See the story of Abigail and Nabal for a sad example of an arrogant man not worthy of his virtuous wife (1 Samuel 25)."

The Intentional Man

If you are fortunate, you know a few tested, noble men. What remains is whether or not they are being intentional toward you. The "problem" with godly men is that they are so markedly different - gentlemanly, kind, attentive - from most men in our culture that it's hard not to receive it personally. I see that over and over again in my church as new women join. Inevitably, one of the guys will offer to walk a woman to her car after a meeting. These women usually have one of two reactions. Either they will refuse the offer because they think the guy is interested, or they will light up like Times Square because they think he is interested. What they don't know is that there is a third option: he's not interested, he's just extending gentlemanly care. Because they don't know the culture, it's easy to be confused.

The point is, an intentional man makes his purposes known. He tells you what he's doing, and where he's leading. He is clear about where he wants the relationship to go. When he's not clear, when he's not saying anything, when he's enjoying the friendship but not moving forward - he's not being intentional. Period. You don't see noble deeds because he's not making those noble plans. You may have the greatest friendship in the world, but he's just hanging out in it. In fact, one man called this half-hearted testing of the water "the buddy approach."

I know how tempting it is to hang out in these undefined friendships, where the best you can get is a blurry, part-time boyfriend. At least some attention is better than none, right? Nope, sorry, I'm no longer convinced of that. For one, I find it challenging to guard my heart and keep my peace before God in these "hopeful friendships." I'm always in danger of closing my fist-of-demand over the friendship, instead of leaving this friendship in open hands before the Lord. Second, it tempts the men to passivity, in my humble observation. It provides them with the out of "Oh, maybe you misunderstood me, we're just friends." If we women would be better about guarding the amount of time and attention invested in these close friendships, we might see our reserve rewarded with pursuit instead of passivity. After all, we don't want to manipulate the situation and then live under one of the three things the Bible says makes the earth tremble: "an unloved woman when she gets a husband" (Proverbs 30:23).

When is a man interested? When he says so, and his actions back up his words. Anything less is at best merely friendly, and possibly even uncertain or inconsiderate. If he's a noble man who's made noble plans, one of his noble deeds is letting you know about it!

(A shout out to the guys still reading this column. See? It really does come down to those three little words: Talk. To. Her. I also hope you are not discouraged by the points above. It's worth stating again: Perfection is not the standard. We only want to see you taking biblical standards seriously and attempting to apply them in your lives. I often receive letters from guys saying there's not much material out there for cultivating godliness as a single man. Yes, it does seem that most materials are for single women. Though I do not presume to fill that void - it's better that you are equipped and discipled by other godly men - I do hope that by eavesdropping here you've derived some benefit and have some points to discuss with the guys. We women are praying for you!)

Carolyn McCulley handles church and ministry relations for Sovereign Grace Ministries and is a member of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD.

The River Men

2005-10-31T09:59:00.000+08:00

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength 'and the tools' to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God,please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river."

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream, and walked across the bridge.

Make Yourself Irresistible by Neil Clark Warren

2005-10-28T00:11:00.000+08:00

Every single person I know wants to be more attractive, and most of them work at it. They buy fashionable clothes. They get their hair cut in current styles and exercise to stay shapely. I happen to believe those are good ways to make yourself more attractive. But people are often shocked to learn that the key to being irresistibly attractive is much simpler than the cut of your hair or clothes.

I won't try and tell you that being attractive has nothing to do with your appearance, but if you can master a single skill, your appearance will seem more attractive to everyone. And what's more, people will simply want to be around you. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

The attitude you present to the world is your key to being irresistibly attractive. If you get your attitude right, your life will be a thousand percent more enjoyable. For instance, if you wake up in the morning and focus on all the things that are exciting and meaningful in your life, your energy level will be high. You will be eager to meet the day head on.

William James, one of America's all-time most thoughtful psychologists, put it succinctly: "It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking which, more than anything else, will determine its successful outcome."

Focus on the positive in your life, and you will automatically become more appreciative, more thankful. Life will take on bright colors. One of the Apostle Paul's most significant growth principles is this one: "Start by giving thanks."

Everybody loves being around positive people, people who find the good in every situation and in every person they encounter. Even the person who develops these positive attitudes enjoys being around himself significantly more. When you start to meet potential dating candidates, your positive attitude sends very strong subliminal signals. It says, "I feel great about life. If you spend time with me, you're going to feel as good as I do." My friends, that is a powerful source of attraction.

My highly esteemed and close friend, Dr. Lewis Smedes, a professor of social ethics and the author of many acclaimed books, recently put it to me as succinctly as it can be put:

"Gratitude is at the very heart of contentment. My sense of satisfaction in life springs from the feeling of gratitude. I have never met a truly thankful, appreciative person who is not happy. So close are gratitude and contentment that I would equate them."

What I keep discovering about myself and the people to whom I relate is that gratitude and affirmation raise the richness of our interactions to the highest possible level.

It happened again last night. My wife and I were eating at a local restaurant when I noticed in the next booth an old friend whom I had not seen for many years. He was all by himself. I called to him, and he came over to our table. After a few short minutes of interaction, I told him what I thought: "Floyd, I am reminded of what a good mind you have, and I will never forget what a great heart you have." I meant every word of it, and he knew I did. And he beamed! I was expressing my appreciation for his gifts, which I had encountered through the years. And my expression had a powerful affect on him.

This kind of interaction will have a profound affect on your dating life. The next time you feel a strong attraction towards someone, take special note of your attitude and your sense of gratitude for the positive things in your life. As you talk to this person in whom you're interested, let this positive wash over you. I can guarantee you will notice the difference.

The Apostle Paul encourages us to see the positive and then to respond to God with thanksgiving. When you do, you make an investment in your own contentment, you enrich yourself clear to the center of your soul, and you maximize every relationship you have.

Boy Like Me/Man Like You: If I Ever Really Do Grow Up …

2005-10-23T22:28:00.000+08:00

From his earliest days Rich had a passion to know about and be like Jesus. His sister, Sharon Roberts, remembers, “He always knew a lot about Jesus. He listened carefully to the preacher and to his Sunday school teachers.” Rich tried to live closely to Jesus early on in his life, wanting to follow Jesus as well as he could, to love what Jesus loved and hate what Jesus hated. His oldest sister, Debbie Garrett, remembers a time when she first noticed his passion to be like Jesus. “I was raised to be kind of a tomboy. I was the boy my dad needed to help him do the work on the farm. Wayne (the name that Rich’s family called him) was this artistic, sensitive kid, and I thought I needed to toughen him up so the world wouldn’t hurt him. One day I decided to take him in the backyard and push him around till he fought back, because he would never fight. I knocked him down a few times and told him to fight back. But he wouldn’t. I had him pinned on the ground and I said, ‘C’mon, fight me.’ And he looked at me with this look of sadness and seriousness and said, ‘Jesus doesn’t want us to fight.’ I felt guilty for a long time over that. He was right. I will never forget that moment. He was this old soul in a little body.”

This desire never left Rich, even in his periods of wandering and rebellion. He believed that the Christian life consisted in committing oneself to Jesus purely out of love for Him. He noticed in his own life and in the lives of his friends how easy it is to move from loving Jesus to simply believing in a doctrine about Jesus. He described the process this way:

Christianity is about a daily walk with this person, Jesus. The heart of Christian faith is a radical and reasonable trust and focus on Jesus, but for many of us, our focus has shifted very subtly from love for Jesus and faithfulness to Him and obedience to Him to a set of doctrines. Life and living comes from God – it comes from Jesus – not from doctrine or good morals. You can be an utterly moral person and not be alive. Jesus came that we might have life, not good morals. It’s not that I’m opposed to good morals at all; it’s just that sometimes I think we put the cart before the horse.

- Rich Mullins: An Arrow Pointing to Heaven

Excerpt: Unplanned Encounter

2005-10-19T09:56:00.000+08:00

I remember one time Beaker and I were hiking on the Appalachian Trail, and he met some friends of his, so I walked into town. It was about a five-mile walk from the campsite down the trail…, down into town. And when I got there I went into a restaurant and I was having a steak, and this guy started talking to me and we had this great conversation. We were having a good time, and he said, “Hey look, it’s dark and it’s five miles up the road to your campground. Why don’t I drive you up there?”

And I said, “Hey, great!”

And so we got in his car, and just as we pulled out from under the last light in the town, they guy said, “You know what, I should probably tell you that I’m gay.”

And I said, “Oh! I should probably tell you that I am a Christian.”

And he said, “Well, if you want out of the car…”

I said, “Why?”

And he said, “Well, I’m gay and you’re Christian.”

I said, “It’s still five miles and it’s still dark.”

Then he said, “I thought Christians hated gays.”

I said, “That’s funny, I thought Christians were supposed to love. I thought that was our first command.”

He said, “Well, I thought God hated gays.”

And I said, “That’s really funny, because I thought God was love.”

And then he asked me the big one. He said, “Do you think I will go to hell for being a gay?”

Well, I’m a good Hoosier, and I puckered up to say, “Yes, of course you’ll go to hell for being gay.” I got ready to say that, but when I opened up my mouth it came out, “No, of course you won’t go to hell for being gay.” And I thought to myself, Oh my God, I’ve only been in New Hampshire for one week and I’ve already turned into a liberal! What am I going to tell this guy now?

Then I said to him, “No, you won’t go to hell for being gay, any more than I would go to hell for being a liar. Nobody goes to hell because of what they do. We go to hell because we reject the grace that God so longs to give to us, regardless of what we do.”

- Rich Mullins: an Arrow Pointing to Heaven

The Danger of Dating in Your Mind - Adapted from "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred" by Carolyn McCulley

2005-10-04T10:21:00.000+08:00

_____________________________
Crosswalk Singles
a fresh perspective on being single
http://www.crosswalkmail.com/mfkfukf_tcjzuvc.html

Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Danger of Dating in Your Mind
Carolyn McCulley
Author & Contributing Writer

Here's a typical conversation between two single women:

"So how did it go with [insert guy's name here] the other night?"

"Oh, it was great! It was just the two of us. He picked me up, treated me like a queen. We really clicked. It felt like a date! We had a blast."

It felt like a date. That's a phrase that should set off all kinds of alarm bells among single women. If it "feels" like a date, then no one has said it's a date. It's just two friends hanging out, but one of them wants more. In this scenario, the problem is that while the man may be clear in his own mind about his intentions ("just friends"), the woman is not. She's hoping for more or "dating him in her mind."

This may seem like a harmless distraction, but it's really not.

I have a friend who once observed that our interactions with men should be like a peanut butter sandwich. No one likes to eat a sandwich where the peanut butter is all clumped up in one corner. We like our peanut butter to be evenly spread around. "So, honey, don't get all clumped up in one corner, distracted by one guy," she said. "Spread yourself around! Let him get clumped up around you!" We had a good laugh at that, but there's much truth in this homespun advice. Because our churches often provide the context to get to know single men as friends, we women can start investing more significance in these interactions than is wise. We get all "clumped up" around one guy -- until he says something or does something to make us realize he's not going to pursue. Then comes the disappointment.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In our defense, I have observed when men go through all the motions of dating without declaring their intentions. I've seen men "try on" certain women and then fade away if there wasn't enough spark to attract them to pursue. I've seen men hang out with women for years as extremely good friends, seemingly oblivious to the potential there, while the women struggle to guard their emotions and expectations. While I think we can become wiser about evaluating the men in these situations (which we'll look at next time), all things start with our own hearts. Because I've been "clumped up" far more often than I'd like to admit, I've learned to discern the symptoms of this tendency in my life. Here are some questions I ask myself whenever I think I'm starting to "date someone in my mind":

* Do I talk about him a lot to other people?

* If these other people don't share my enthusiasm, and even caution me to not cultivate expectations, do I feel deflated and resent their input?

* Am I going to this event or meeting primarily because he will be there?

* Am I distracted in church or small-group meetings because of his presence?

* Do I break other commitments because he's invited me to do something spontaneously?

* If he doesn't talk to me or single me out at events, do I go home disappointed?

* Am I jealous of the women he does talk to or serve?

* If he declines one of my invitations, am I tempted to feel rejected?

* When he does pay attention to me, am I so oriented to him in a group setting that I don't consider the needs of others around me?

When we get stuck in a man's orbit like this, typically we're laying claims and forming attachments that are deadly to our spiritual growth and witness. Because these attachments are one-sided, when the relationship doesn't occur in the way or time that we want we usually respond sinfully.

Paul Tripp, author and biblical counselor, explains the pitfalls of this continuum in this way - desire leads to demand, which re-labels itself as a "need" and leads to expectation of fulfillment, which, when unmet, leads to disappointment, and thus ends in punishment. As he writes, "The objects of most of our desires are not evil. The problem is the way they tend to grow, and the control they come to exercise over our hearts. Desires are a part of human existence, but they must be held with
an open hand. ... The problem with desire is that in sinners it very quickly morphs into demand ('I must'). Demand is the closing of my fists over a desire. Even though I may be unaware that I have done it, I have left my proper position of submission to God. I have decided that I must have what I have set my heart on and nothing can stand in the way. I am no longer comforted by God's desire for me; I am threatened by it, because God's will potentially stands in the way of my demand. ... There
is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations."

When I first read that diagnosis (in his book "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands"), I was stunned. That's exactly what happens when I "date someone in my mind"! One sentence in particular screamed from the page: "There is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations." These are self-induced dings to our hearts! Even more seriously, these acts are seeds we are sowing to future conflict in our own marriages. No husband will meet all of our desires, so we should learn to
protect our own hearts and minds in Christ Jesus by not indulging this cycle of idolatry.

So how do we change? Here's something I've been meditating on over the past year. The secret is in the worth of a woman with noble character. The Bible says she is "more precious than jewels." Jewels aren't out on the store's front counter for every passerby to carelessly handle. Precious jewels are guarded in the vault, and are only brought out for consideration by a buyer who has demonstrated serious intentions and the wherewithal to purchase. Costume jewelry attracts casual inspection - and lots of it - by its cheap presentation. But because it's not seen as valuable, it's not treated as such.

We don't have to put our affections and ourselves on display. We can trust our heavenly Father to ward off the casual shoppers and only bring those with serious intentions to consider us. But you need to know that this will mean some "vault time." While you're in the dark, wondering when - and if - you will have a chance to sparkle for an appreciative buyer, you'll be tested. During this time, keep in mind these three reminders:

* Prayer: Take your petitions to God, for He's the only one who can change a man's heart, and this brings His peace to guard our own
hearts.

* Pursuit: It's not our job as women. Instead, we should have the joy of being pursued.

* Prevent Disappointment: Check yourself before you head down the slippery slope of desires, demands and expectations that Paul Tripp outlined. When you find your fist closing over good desires and making them demands, stop. Open that clenched fist and hold that desire up in prayer (see point one again).

We have to be very careful about guarding our own hearts. This is a wisdom issue. More importantly, it's a worship issue. The real motivation for guarding our hearts is not to be able to hand our husbands a relatively unscathed heart on our wedding day, as important as that is. The real motivation for guarding our hearts is to preserve our trusting dependence on God with a peaceful spirit, whether we get married or not. It's to keep a Scriptural imperative: "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Carolyn McCulley handles church and ministry relations for Sovereign Grace Ministries and is a member of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD.

This column is adapted from her book, "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred." (Used by permission of Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187, www.gnpcb.org). Carolyn welcomes your comments at info@carolynmcculley.com. Or visit her website (www.carolynmcculley.com) or blog (solofemininity.blogs.com).

Daily Cake?!

2005-10-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

I am having a block with words. Am in the midst of editing some works, but just couldn't get into it at all. So I thought I'd drop into the bloggers corner to rattle a bit to get the block out of the way.

One liner caught me at the service today. Why wasn't it called daily cake? but daily bread?

During the days where eggs were so rare, I tried baking biscuits without eggs. And they turned out really good. Not to boast of any culinary skills, of which I have only a little repertoire, but biscuits without the eggs actually turned out really well. Imagine the amount of calories you'd save yourself from!

It is like I used to wonder why "vine and the branch" is used as the analogy for pruning. You can prune on any plant, by why the vine? As an ardent lover of red wine n yet a poor student down under, I had a little vineyard experience. I worked on the vineyard as a pruner. It was hard work!!! Not even halfway through, I had blisters on my hands. Still you worked through the row. Anyway, I was fired! Too slow, unproductive. Ha ha. The branches were ridiculously hard, and stubborn. Thick to the core, it took all the strength from the fingers to clam through the cutters. But it was a great insight to how painful it is to prune and be pruned. And how much concentration goes into knowing where to prune, so the new growth would be beautiful and abundant, and yet not standing in the way of the neighbouring bunch.

No one likes to prune. Everyone loves to pick. Not only is it a better weather to do picking, it is also a much easier and happier occasion to see the fruits and heaps of bunches glowing under the clear blue skies. Still, without the pruning, you don't get to see the fruits. I saw then, and finally caught a glimpse, of the aches and cares that went into the procecss of pruning. It's hard to see beyond when pruned. With this vineyard experience, I know it aches the pruner just as much.

Have a good week ahead, as we pray for the victims at the bombings -R.

To be glad with life........

2005-09-26T15:46:00.000+08:00

This is my first blogging attempt :O) I hope this quote inspires you.........To be glad with life, because it give you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look at the stars; to be satisfied with your possessions, but not contented with yourself until you have made the best of them, to despise nothing in the world except falsehood and meanness, and to fear nothing except cowardice; to be governed by your admirations rather than your disgusts; to covet nothing that is your neighbor's except his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners; to think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends, and every day of Christ; and to spend as much time as you can, with body and with spirit, in God's out-of-doors -- these are little guideposts on the footpath to peace.

Mal :O)
26 Sep 2005

A starter

2005-09-26T15:28:00.000+08:00

It's never been a better weekend than this. To be shocked right in the morning when someone just stormed into your privacy! No one could do that without getting me rattling on, but the only little devil that roams the Loke premises with nonchalence - my five-year old nephew. Totally excited by the idea that auntie is going to join him for a swim, he jumped and leaped around. If only he could do a pirouette, I would expect him to do a couple then.

Still, it is amazing how the conversational topics at lunch after church could swing from plastic surgery of the most sought after beauty to be liken to the everyday staple, without the palatable appeal of diversities; to that of the sensuality in touch that should be spared from the "mars man".

It rained. Heavily. Would be great if it's in the day. A sign of hope for rainbows. Rainbows are to me God's promises. I caught one years ago up in the sky on the plane. Simply awesome. Ever wonder why it was walking on the water, and not walking on the rainbow?! If you can't remember the colours - they are VIBGYOR.

Be blessed - R.